Man, I can’t believe that it’s been two years since our debut album was unleashed upon the world.
I know! Our lives haven’t been the same since we took over the rap world.
Bitch, bring yo computer over here and let’s read some online reviews of the record.
Wait…what the fuck? I can’t believe what I’m seeing!
Sprink, move over! Let me read some of this…

It seems like these guys, they weren’t even tryin. This album gave me cancer and now I am dyin.
This record made me want to chop off my ears. Drive By Curious has left me in tears.
I played it for my kitty but it started to cry. All they talk about is fucking but they making pussies dry.
These idiots think that they are real rappers. But when I heard the album, I threw it in the crapper.
I feel like they wrote this album in a day. I’m really, really sure that the two of them are gay.
These guys are retarded; I’m pretty sure they’re stupid. Hey, did you know that the rain forest is humid?
I listened to this album when I was driving in my car. I drove off a cliff with the help of OnStar.
I checked out some new rap, hoping with some luck…what…the…fuck?

While all the haters gonna hate; We will never hesitate
All you mother-fuckers irate; Because our music is so great
So while you haters gonna hate; And you sit there and berate
You better check what’s on your plate; Cause the DBC gonna win the checkmate

Man, what the fuck is wrong with these people? Don’t they know real thug shit when they hear it?
I don’t know, man. Let’s read some more before we decide who needs to die!

I turned it up loud when I bought it at Best Buy. I listened to it once and I cried and cried and cried.
These guys say they’re gangster but I’m sure it’s a lie. They couldn’t rob a five-year-old even if they tried.
I reviewed this album because I work for Billboard. I fucking hung myself with a bungie cord.
When I heard this record, my mouth was agape. I literally felt like I was analy raped.
They drove by my house and I thought they would shoot. All because I said their album was poop.
I thought it’d be an album about some up-and-coming thugs. It made me pour a cup of bleach and chug, chug, chug.
If you’re looking for a record that you think you’ll enjoy, it’s not the DBC cause all they do is destroy.
This record is the worst thing I’ve heard in years. If anybody wants them killed then I will volunteer.

I don’t know about you, Sprink, but I’m about ready to tear the skin off of some mother-fuckers!
Whoa, mcKILLough, it’s cool, dawg. Remember, we’re rich and famous now. So who the fuck cares about what some neck-beard music reviewers think?
Shit…you’re right, Sprink. WE’RE the top dawgs around here! The only opinions that matter is our own!

While all the haters gonna hate; We will never hesitate
All you mother-fuckers irate; Because our music is so great
So while you haters gonna hate; And you sit there and berate
You better check what’s on your plate; Cause the DBC gonna win the checkmate

Hahaa! Yeah, that’s right! Ain’t NOTHING gonna stop Drive By Curious. Not poor reviews. Not multiple court orders. And especially not self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the head!
Damn right, playa! In fact, I say the next person that says something bad about our music is gonna die!
*door opens*
Hey, you two. I’ve got the early reviews of Come On Guys and they’re not looking good. The label wants to cancel the rel…
*gun shot*